Whatever you do, NEVER join a Board! If you’re inexperienced at being on a Board, no one will warn you that the other spelling, B.O.R.E.D, will soon burrow into your brain and suck the life out of your body. You are kept in the dark because the already-signed up Board members all know that the retention rate for keeping good, reasonable and cerebrally-functioning human beings is precarious, albeit entirely rare. I am in my second year of a three-year stint as the Secretary of the Board for a local not-for-profit art gallery; and after serving for the first year, everything “good, reasonable and cerebrally-functioning” about me no longer activates during our meetings. In my place sits another version of me who is apparently a well clothed-and-coiffed zombie! Rotely, she takes the most exhaustive, copious notes, scribbling away, using a real pen and paper, which is the sole action that is keeping me alive. B.O.R.E.D. has burrowed into my brain and sucked the life out of my body. I have ten months, two days, and six hours until this stint is up, here’s how I’m planning to get there.
First, I’m thinking of bringing the game of Trouble to every meeting. Since there are only four colors, everyone partners up. Then, each speaker must first pop the die in the bubble before saying one word. The number on the die is how much time that person gets to state their mission for the meeting. This will force everyone to prepare to say what they first need to say in one or two minutes. If the die gives someone a six on their turn, well then, that person gets a whole six minutes to spew out their initial wisdom. And, by God, because they rolled a six, they certainly get to pop the die again, because those are the rules, after all! Worst case scenario, their die gets stuck popping sixes and everyone is trapped listening to them. Best case scenario, we are moving through the meeting like a knife going through warm Irish butter!
Now, let’s talk about teams and rounds. Teams are just two members sharing and moving the same colored pegs. This will work perfectly for my art gallery Board because we have exactly eight members and their are exactly four colors to choose from. Rounds replace the traditional linearly-stacked agenda items to be addressed in the meeting. No more bulleted committee sections to follow, hoping that everyone is still breathing by the time your bullet finally gets to be presented. Instead, rounds of dice-popping continue and everyone moves their pegs the number of spaces on their die, while speaking for just that amount of time. Pop a four and you move your peg four spaces while speaking for four minutes.
The Board Chairperson no longer has to “manage” the meeting the old-fashioned way, navigating all the opinions and comments with corporate-like diplomacy and skill. Instead, this person merely needs to be the “Timer”, accurate and firm. This person’s job is as important as the “Banker” in Monopoly. Lastly, if someone lands on your peg, you and your team mate(s) are sent back home, and, all of you lose speaking rights for one whole turn. Again, moving the meeting along like a knife going through warm Irish butter! The Board Chairperson keeps track of whose turn it is and who has lost their turn to speak. Everyone gets to speak frequently, everyone gets to listen frequently, and the meeting is dynamic and to the point!
Something tells me that if this idea works, I may go back to spelling it B.O.A.R.D. meeting, ditching spelling it as the B.O.R.E.D. meeting, because when bored members meet board games, I am certain that we will be having F.U.N.! And…everyone wins!