The crowd gathered around the corpse, stretched out at the water’s edge. Few swam in the frigid Maine waters. One older gentleman, probably 80 or so, wisely concluded “He probably had hypothermia and just drowned out there and he just washed up as the tide rolled in.”
Another young lady barely dressed in her tiny bikini had an alternative explanation. “Yeah, ye never know. But I betcha he just overdosed on ‘garbage plates. Jo-Jo’s On the Beach has the best. They are so, so bad. They’re to die for,” Her boobs jiggled, struggling to be free at last as she laughed heartily at her very excellent joke.
Her friend chimed in- “Good one, Marlene. But I don’t think he died of an overdose of garbage plates. Look at his smile.I think he was having a happy time out there and just croaked.” Marlene and she roared in laughter. A middle aged man stepped into the growing crowd. He had short hair, greying at the temples. He was trim and in good shape considering he was elderly- probably close to 50. He seemed to take charge of the gathering.
“Look. I’m a doctor. We don’t even know if he’s dead. Step aside, people, and let me see what’s going on here.” By now the crowd was pretty large. The Lifeguard at his station about 20 yards from the scene, finally woke up and scampered down his ladder. Trotting over to the crowd he announced, “Step aside. What’s going on here?” Marlene spoke up- “Yoo- this dude died while you were sleeping.” Her girlfriend added- “I bet you were up all night partying and you were catching up on your beauty sleep.”
Offended by these attacks on his character the LIfeguard explained. “Yes, I was up late because of a family emergency.” The girls laughed and Marlene shot out “Yeah. You probably were out drinking after your grandfather died. You were bar hopping until 4 AM toasting the poor old guy.”
The :Lifeguard defended himself- “What do you know? How I express my grief is my business. And, for your information, the bars close at 3 AM around here.” As he approached the two young ladies to continue his verbal counter attack he tripped over the victim. He did a face plant in the sand. The crowd, now swelled to about 20 souls, gasped. Lifeguard was literally face to face with death as he stared into the victim’s face. The victim’s eyes were vacant and his were wide open in shock. Lifeguard jumped to his feet likely fearing death could be contagious
The doctor who had been kneeling to examine the body, reproved the rowdy crowd. “Let’s have a little respect, here. This is not a party. Back up and give me room. At that point a little girl squeezed through the crowd and stood before the body. With tears in her eyes, she stammered, “It’s … it’s … my fault.” The doctor reassured her- “It’s not your fault little girl. Do you know the victim?” She lowered her head and mumbled, “Yes … He’s Fred and he lives with us in that big house over there,” She pointed to a huge house about 50 yards down the beach.The girl was so distraught she collapsed onto the body and the crowd gasped again. The doctor gently helped her up, “I’m a doctor. Be a brave little girl and be calm. I help people. Let me see what I can do for Fred.” She stood up and stepped aside.
The doctor kneeled down and slowly turned Fred over. He paused and then nodded. “I see the problem here.” He leaned down and blew into the orifice. Fred began to rise from the dead. The good doctor saved the day. He carefully sealed the plug and announced to the crowd “The Fred Flintstone Float is alive and well.The crowd cheered. Usually there’s never a doctor around when you need one.
Minutes later Little Girl was seen happily pushing Fred into a big wave. Lifeguard was seated in his chair probably snoozing behind his dark glasses. And the girls were busily devouring their Jo-Jo’s garbage plates. Life on the beach returned to normal.